Relationships are at the heart of everything we do, shaping our emotions, successes, and challenges. They follow a natural cycle of harmony, disharmony, and repair - connection, disconnection, and re connection. It is in the process of re connection that trust is actually built, you have to have rupture for trust to form, a perspective many of us often overlook. The third cycle is respect and recognition, which weighs into the meaning and longevity of the partnership so we need to know: “Am I valued? Do I matter?”

In the early stages of a relationship, there’s often an intense curiosity, partners are eager to explore each other’s worlds, asking questions, sharing stories, and truly listening. This deep connection often feels like uncovering the essence of a person, delving into their life, challenges, and dreams. But over time, as life unfolds, routines take over, and the relationship can shift into more of a functional, parental dynamic. Conversations become less about discovery and more about managing the day to day.

You often see this play out when a couple is at a dinner table. Generally you see one couple exchanging very few words, in contrast to another couple who engage in an exciting discussion. When conversation is natural and light it can be something as a simple as speaking about a book, a movie, or something that’s sparked their interest, and the other listens with fascination and participates in the conversation.

Relationships thrive on continued curiosity and shared growth, but it requires intentional effort to keep that spark alive amidst life’s routines. We are constantly evolving, learning and growing, we struggle with new things, we have all kinds of new challenges and opportunities, and it's in a moment realising what kind of conversations you are having. This doesn't apply to conversing at a restaurant, it spills into what kind of dialogue are you sharing at home? Do you carry curiosity and spark into your everyday, or do you default to mundane logistics, like who’s doing the shopping and sorting tomorrow’s errands?

When two people come together there is effort put in to know someone else's story and we become immersed in two worlds, but gradually life enters and it becomes the parallel story running alongside two individuals, so there is a sense that less has to be discussed and a lot of questions just don't occur in day to day. Is it enough to save your enthusiastic engagement to date night once a week, where you focus, listen and reconnect with your partner, or is this something you could do daily? I don't know.

Ultimately, the answer lies within you. Is reserving your enthusiasm and curiosity for a weekly timeslot enough to sustain the depth and connection you desire, or could those moments of genuine engagement and attentiveness become a daily practice? Only you can decide what your relationship needs to thrive. What matters most is recognising that connection isn’t built on grand gestures but on the consistent, intentional effort to see, hear, and value one another every day. The choice to nurture your relationship is yours to make, and with it comes the opportunity to create a bond that grows stronger with time.