Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, but how you and your partner handle it determines whether your bond strengthens or starts to erode. Many couples struggle, not because they fight too much, but because their conflict patterns create resentment, emotional disconnection, and ultimately, dissatisfaction.

Here are four destructive behaviours that predict relationship failure if left unchecked:.

Criticism – Attacking your partner’s character rather than addressing the behaviour. "You never think about my feelings!" instead of, "I felt hurt when you forgot our plans." Over time, this erodes emotional safety.

Defensiveness – Meeting concerns with excuses, blame-shifting, or denial. Instead of listening, you’re preparing your counterattack: "I only did that because you always..." This blocks real communication and fuels frustration.

Contempt – The most damaging of all. Eye-rolling, sarcasm, mockery, this signals deep disrespect. Contempt destroys connection faster than anything else and is a strong predictor of relationship breakdown.

Stonewalling – Shutting down, withdrawing, or refusing to engage. This often happens when one partner feels overwhelmed, but it leaves the other feeling ignored and unimportant.

Are These Patterns in Your Relationship?

Many people think they just have "normal" conflict, but if you or your partner feel unseen, unheard, or emotionally drained, it may be because these behaviours have become the norm. These patterns can be reversed though.

✅ Replace Criticism with gentle start-ups and “I” statements.
✅ Trade Defensiveness for accountability and curiosity.
✅ Counter Contempt with appreciation and respect.
✅ Manage Stonewalling by taking a break to self-soothe, then re-engaging.

Don't Just Settle—Make It Great

If you truly value your relationship, don’t just tolerate each other because you feel stuck or can’t see a way out. There is no rule that says longevity means your relationship has to become boring. That happens when you take each other for granted, when you stop making an effort, and when you become so caught up in your own thoughts, stress, and routines that you forget to make space for your partner.

Relationships don’t break down because of time, they break down because of neglect. It’s the lack of urgency to nurture them, the failure to see your partner as someone who still deserves your attention, excitement, and involvement. A thriving relationship isn’t about avoiding conflict; it’s about handling it in a way that deepens your connection rather than damages it.

If your relationship feels stuck in destructive cycles, there’s a way forward. You can shift the dynamic and create something fulfilling, meaningful, and lasting. Book a Session or reply and share your thoughts—I’d love to hear from you.